Making up with Mom : Why Mothers and Daughters Disagree about Kids, Careers, and Casseroles (And What to Do about It)

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Format: Hardcover
Pub. Date: 2008-04-15
Publisher(s): Thomas Dunne Books
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Summary

Young women today have infinitely more options than their mothers and grandmothers did decades ago. "Should I become a doctor, a writer, or a stay-at-home mom?" "Should I get married or live with my boyfriend?" "Do I want children?" Women in their twenties, thirties, and forties today are wrestling with life-altering decisions about work and familyand they need all the support they can get. But the very person whose support they crave mosttheir motheroften can't get on board, and a rift is created between the two generations, even for women who have always had a strong relationship. A mother's simple question, like "How can you trust a nanny to watch your children all day?" can bring her poised, accomplished CEO daughter to tears, or provoke a nasty response more suitable to a surly teenager than a leader of industry. Why can't mothers and daughters today see eye to eye when it comes to important choices about love, work, children, money, and personal fulfillment? Why does a mother's approval matter so much, even to the most confident and self-possessed daughter? And when daughters choose paths different from their mothers', why is it so painful for the older generation? Making Up with Momanswers these important questions by focusing on three core issues: dating/marriage, career, and child rearing. Relying on interviews with nearly a hundred mothers and daughters, and offering helpful tips from more than two dozen therapists, Julie Halpert and Deborah Carr explore a wide range of communication issues and how to resolve them, so mothers and daughters everywhere can reclaim their loving relationships. This enlightening book is a must-read for all women today. Advance Praise forMaking Up with Mom "A sympathetic, helpful, and accurate look at a topic that affects us all and grows more important every day." Kathleen Gerson, professor of sociology at New York University and author ofHard Choices: How Women Decide About Work, Career, and Motherhood "A well-written, thoughtful book that could help every mother and daughter connector reconnectat a deeper, more fulfilling level." Alvin Rosenfeld, M.D., coauthor ofThe Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trapand lecturer at Harvard Medical School "If Nancy Friday'sMy Mother, My Selfhelped a generation of daughters understand their conflicted relationships with their mothers almost thirty years ago,Making Up with Mommay well be the book that helps mothers and daughters today understand both themselves and each other. It is a book I've been waiting for." Deborah Siegel, Ph.D., author ofSisterhood, Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild "Making Up with Momis a must-read for women who want better relationships with their mothers or daughters (or both!). The book is chock-full of support and good sound advice, culled from the authors' interviews with many women across generations. . . . This practical book considers many of the most important issues that women face, and in so doing it invites the readers, both mothers and daughters, to find ways to relate to each other in healthier and more effective ways. . . . A good, thorough read." Dr. Dorothy Firman, coauthor ofDaughters and Mothers: Making It Work,Chicken Soup for the Mother & Daughter Soul,andChicken Soup for the Father & Son S

Author Biography

Deborah Carr is a sociologist at Rutgers University.

Table of Contents

Prologuep. ix
Mothers and Daughters: Why We Get Under Each Other's Skinp. 1
From Good Housekeeping to Working Woman: Why Are Mothers and Daughters So Different Today?p. 17
Courtship, Cohabitation, and China Patterns: Choices About Love and Marriagep. 38
Having a Baby: Whether, When, How, with Whom, and How Many?p. 67
The Struggle Over Work: Career Choices, Crises, and Compromisesp. 85
Breast-feed or Bottle? Time-outs or Spankings? The Rules of Parenting and How They've Changedp. 123
From Playing Outside to Playdates and PlayStations: Changing Ideas About Children's Social and Emotional Growthp. 168
His, Hers, and Theirs: The Changing Terrain of Household Responsibilitiesp. 207
Personal Time: Caring for One's Body and Soulp. 221
Managing Crises: True Stories of How Mothers and Daughters Undermine-or Inspire-Each Otherp. 241
Peacetime and Parting Thoughts: Final Tips for Bridging the Generation Gapp. 267
Epiloguep. 281
Getting to Know You... Through Oral Historyp. 283
Mother-Daughter Movie Night and Book Groupp. 287
Notesp. 293
Acknowledgmentsp. 301
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.

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