The Essential Guide to Caring for Aging Parents

by Rhodes, Linda

ISBN13: 9781615641918

ISBN10: 1615641912

Format: Paperback

Pub. Date: 2012-07-03

Publisher(s): Alpha

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Summary

They cared for you, and now you are in a position to care for them. You want to help, but it's not always simple when the tables are turned. Numerous challenges surround elder care, not the least of which is juggling your own life and career. Without good information, it's easy to take a wrong turn that can result in miscommunication, hurt feelings, or even diminished care for Mom and Dad. It doesn't have to be that way.

Author Biography

Linda Rhodes, EdD, is a former Pennsylvania Secretary of Aging and is the current director of the Hirtzel Institute on Health Education and Aging at Mercyhurst University. Shes the author of several award-winning books on aging and has been a caregiver for her own parents and grandmother-in-law both in her home and long distance. Learn more at Indarhodescaregiving.com.

Problem Solving Amid Confusion	p. 1
What's Really Wrong with My Parent?	p. 3
Signs That Something Is Amiss	p. 4
Aging's Big Four	p. 6
Heart Attacks	p. 7
Brain Attacks	p. 9
Cancer	p. 12
Alzheimer's and Other Dementias	p. 13
Getting a Heads-Up: Geriatric Assessments	p. 19
Researching Medical Conditions	p. 21
Defining Problems: Considering All Viewpoints	p. 23
Appreciating Your Parents' Perspective	p. 24
Deciphering What's Really Going On	p. 26
Identifying Your Motivations and Emotional Triggers	p. 29
Defining the Problem	p. 32
Developing a Caregiver Game Plan	p. 35
Identifying Caregiving Needs and Tasks	p. 36
What's the Goal?	p. 41
Set Your Criteria for Your Solutions	p. 42
Sizing Up Your Life and Resources	p. 44
Creating Solutions	p. 45
Plan B	p. 47
Getting Your Caregiving Plan Organized	p. 49
Doing the Advance Work	p. 50
Setting Up a Portfolio	p. 52
Long-Distance Caregivers-More Advance Work	p. 53
Delegating Tasks and Family Meetings	p. 56
Holding a Family Meeting	p. 57
Meeting Preliminaries	p. 58
Sample Agenda	p. 59
Rules of Engagement	p. 60
Social Networking and Online Information Sharing	p. 61
Managing Your Stress	p. 63
Understanding the Toll of Stress	p. 64
How Stressed Are You?	p. 68
Caregiver Emotions: Breaking It Down	p. 70
Guilt	p. 70
Worry	p. 72
Sadness and Depression	p. 73
Resentment	p. 74
Anger	p. 75
Everyday Stress Relievers	p. 77
Respite Care by the Day and Vacations	p. 78
Support Groups: Real and Virtual	p. 80
Caregiver Covenant	p. 81
The Elder Care Landscape: Know More, Act Confidently	p. 83
Caregiving Services to the Rescue	p. 85
Geriatric Care Managers	p. 85
Community Services	p. 88
Adult Day Centers	p. 90
Home Health Care	p. 93
Nonmedical Senior Care	p. 96
Public Caregiving Programs	p. 98
Eldercare Locator: Locating Services Nationwide	p. 99
Area Agencies on Aging	p. 99
Home and Community-Based Services Waiver Programs	p. 101
The Veterans Administration	p. 101
Medicare	p. 102
Benefits Checkup	p. 103
Finding the Best Living Option for Your Parent	p. 105
Living at Home	p. 106
Universal Design	p. 106
High-Tech Services and Devices	p. 107
Electronic Medication Dispensers	p. 108
Sensors for Stove Safety	p. 108
Activities of Daily Living Remote Monitors	p. 109
Telehealth Devices	p. 109
High-Touch Human Services	p. 110
Independent Living Communities	p. 110
Assisted Living	p. 113
Skilled Nursing Facilities	p. 114
Research Nursing Homes	p. 116
Consider the Costs	p. 118
Alternative Living Arrangements	p. 119
Group Homes	p. 119
ECHO Housing	p. 120
Natural Occurring Retirement Communities (NORC)	p. 120
Moving Made Easy	p. 121
Common Legal Matters and How to Work Through Them	p. 123
Having That Conversation with Your Parents	p. 124
Elder Law Attorneys	p. 125
General Power of Attorney	p. 128
Durable Health-Care Power of Attorney	p. 129
Wills, Letters of Instruction, and Trusts	p. 131
Wills	p. 131
Personal Property Memorandum and Letter of Instruction	p. 133
Trusts	p. 135
Testamentary Trusts	p. 135
Revocable Living Trusts	p. 135
Irrevocable Living Trusts	p. 135
Guardianship as the Last Resort	p. 136
Understanding "Do Not Resuscitate" Orders	p. 137
Managing Medical Life	p. 139
Getting Organized Medically	p. 141
Navigating Body Parts Medicine	p. 141
Finding a Captain: The Primary Care Doctor	p. 144
Preparing for Doctor Appointments	p. 145
How to Relate to Your Parents Doctors	p. 145
What to Ask the Doctor	p. 147
Managing Medications	p. 149
Getting Health-Care Providers on the Same Page	p. 152
A Few Pointers on HIPAA Privacy Rules	p. 154
The Insurance Maze	p. 157
The ABC's and D of Medicare	p. 157
Hospital Insurance: Part A	p. 158
Medical Insurance: Part B	p. 158
Medicare Advantage Plans: Part C	p. 159
Prescription Drug Coverage: Part D	p. 161
Medigap Policies: Alphabet Soup	p. 162
Medicaid: State Assistance	p. 163
Long-Term Care Insurance	p. 164
State Health Insurance Programs	p. 167
Fighting Back: Filing Appeals	p. 168
When Your Parent Is Hospitalized	p. 173
The First Hurdle: Finding the Best Hospital	p. 173
Once Admitted, Are You Really a Patient?	p. 175
Meet the Hospitalist	p. 177
Getting Out Alive	p. 179
How to Stop an Early Discharge	p. 181
Everybody's Favorite: Emergency Rooms	p. 183
What Are They Saying? Understanding Medicalese	p. 184
End-of-Life Care	p. 189
Stages of Coming to Terms with the End of Life	p. 190
Living Wills or Advance Directive	p. 192
What Dying People Want	p. 194
The Painless Promise of Palliative Care	p. 197
When to Call in Hospice	p. 198
Family Dynamics in the Swirl of Caregiving	p. 203
Working Through the Generational Gap	p. 205
Describing the Generations	p. 206
Baby Boomer Missteps	p. 209
See a Problem, Fix a Problem … Quickly	p. 209
Question the Doctors, Search for Experts	p. 211
No Reaction Means They're Okay with It	p. 211
Let's Hire Some Help	p. 212
Greatest Generation Missteps	p. 213
Disregard Risks	p. 213
Ignore the Facts	p. 214
Suppress Information	p. 215
Use the "Parent Card"	p. 216
Finding Common Ground	p. 217
Siblings and Caregiving: Making It Work	p. 219
Childhood Revisited	p. 219
Mom and Dad's Role in Shaping Your Relationship	p. 222
Gender Bias	p. 223
Playing Favorites, Competition, and Labels	p. 224
Refocusing Your Sibling Lens	p. ,
Recognize What You're All Going Through	p. 226
Parents' Perceptions	p. 227
Refocusing How You See Your Siblings	p. 228
Reacquainted and Working Together	p. 230
Making the Family Dynamic Work	p. 235
Elder Care's Impact on Family Structure	p. 236
Dimensions of Blended Families	p. 237
When Blended Becomes a Battleground	p. 240
Caregiving Styles Within Families	p. 241
Facilitating	p. 242
Balancing	p. 242
Advocating	p. 243
Directing	p. 243
Working Families: Setting Realistic Expectations	p. 244
New Times: Mom, Will You Hire Me?	p. 247
Communicating in Sync	p. 249
Reaching Accord: Styles of Communicating for Caregivers	p. 251
The Four Styles of Communicating	p. 251
Passive Communicators	p. 252
Aggressive Communicators	p. 253
Passive-Aggressive Communicators	p. 254
Assertive Communicators	p. 255
What's Your Style?	p. 256
Using a Style That Works	p. 258
Four Classic Elder Care Conflicts	p. 263
Unsafe Drivers Who Won't Give Up the Keys	p. 264
When Dementia Makes Living Alone Unsafe	p. 266
Considering Your Spouse's Feelings When Your Parent Moving In Is Up for Discussion	p. 267
Soliciting Help from Siblings When You're the Caregiver	p. 271
If Your Sibling Doesn't Get Along with Your Parent	p. 272
Ways Your Sibling Can Help Without Interacting with Your Parent	p. 273
Talking Through Money Issues	p. 275
Why You Should Talk About Money: The Costs of Elder Care	p. 276
It's Not Just About the Money	p. 277
What's Your Money Style?	p. 280
The Saver	p. 280
The Spender	p. 281
The Avoider	p. 281
The Worrier	p. 282
Talking Through Money and Elder Care Issues	p. 282
A Few More Financial Considerations	p. 284
Talking Through Dementia	p. 289
Family Emotions	p. 290
Sadness and Depression	p. 290
Anxiety, Anger, and Guilt	p. 291
Embarrassment and Isolation	p. 291
Dementia's Seeds of Discord	p. 292
Communicating with Someone Who Has Alzheimer's	p. 294
Establishing a New Normal	p. 296
The Care Receiver's Values	p. 298
Appendixes
Resource Directory	p. 301
Caregiver Forms	p. 317
Medical Forms	p. 321
Index	p. 325
Table of Contents provided by Ingram. All Rights Reserved.